I was chatting with one of my STs/GMs the other night after I’d decided to retire my character from play. My reasons for doing so aren’t important here, but over the course of the conversation surrounding the character’s retirement I also learned more about the nature of the game that was being run and the system that was being used (I was new to this edition of the game system) and realized that it wasn’t one that fit with what I was looking for in a game.
Despite myself pointing out several times that “this system just isn’t my cup of tea. Nothing wrong with that, and not every system or setting will be a fit for every player,” my ST/GM was optimistic that I’d return and give things another shot and that they could tweak things to make stuff more fun for everybody, including myself.
I have one reply to this: Stop. Just stop!
One of the many things I’ve learned over the several years of being a player and a GM, and one of the things that it seems that STs/GMs have a hard time learning, is that you can’t please everyone. It’s a topic I’ve talked about just a couple of times before, once in 2012 and again in 2014 (and again here, in late 2018).
It’s the job of the ST/GM of the game in question to help set clear expectations and boundaries (perhaps with player feedback, depending on the group, game, and the group dynamic) that define what the optimal experience within their game should be; what the game is and what it isn’t, what is allowable and what isn’t, what is expected of players and what the players can expect from the STs/GMs, and etc. And that can do a lot for making sure there’s clarity about the nature of the game and making it easier for everyone to have an enjoyable game session, or helping to sort out if a given game is a good fit for a particular player.
That being said, STs/GMs, you can’t please everyone and eventually someone may find that the experiences they’re having isn’t what they are looking for, or really what they wanted in the first place, and thus they should move on to another game. Be grateful for those players who are self-aware enough to realize that your game isn’t a fit or them, and they retire gracefully from it. Not everyone is going to be self-aware enough to realize when a game isn’t a fit for them, so sometimes you need to tell someone that they’re no longer a player in your game. Is that hard to do? Yes, particularly if they’re a stellar RPer, however some people just don’t belong in a given game.
You shouldn’t always be a ‘yes’ person just to keep a really good role-player or an interesting person in your group. Optimism is fine, but should be tempered with a healthy dose of realism. Trying to keep a player engaged in a game that’s not a good fit for them does a disservice to the player AND to the game. The player will be unhappy, weather they’re self-aware to realize it at the time or not, and won’t be having the best experiences they can have. That in turn can affect your game. Think for a moment, when was the last time you enjoyed playing with someone who wasn’t enjoying themself in a game? Do you think your players want that as a part of their gaming experience?
It can be sad to see a player go, but please, let them go. Don’t try to keep them around, particularly if they’ve been self-aware enough to realize what you’re offering isn’t want they’re looking for. Instead, make sure your game is as epically awesome as it can be for those players that are enjoying your game, and wish those that depart luck in finding what they want. And if you have some ideas of games that would be up their alley, suggest those other games to them, but please, don’t try to get them to stick around just to make you happy. If you do care about your players, sometimes that means you need to let them go.